I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
