Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
