Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
