oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
