a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
