Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hippo gnu deer
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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