I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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