bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
