omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
