He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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