i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
