just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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