I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
