4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
