I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
