Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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