I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
