Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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