my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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