He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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