My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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