ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
