were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
