he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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