let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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