New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Semen is not good for contacts.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
