the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
