Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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