When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
