you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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