There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
