Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
