big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
