SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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