She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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