unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
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you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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