Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
