I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
