fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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