She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
