That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
