so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
