why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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