hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I party with great urgency now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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