I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
