she was so not down for the gang bang
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
