I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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