He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
