All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
