did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
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