11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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