Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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