sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This baby is an asshole
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
