You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
