Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
