the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
