Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
