just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize