my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
