This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
