The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
