fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
