All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
