I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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