I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
