No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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