Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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