you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
