i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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