When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
