Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
