who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
