I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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