look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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