I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
