Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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