saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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