So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
