and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
