FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you had me at cake vodka
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
