now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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