I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
