I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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