Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
