The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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