but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
