i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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