I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
